Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Sisterhood of Motherhood?

I have always disliked women ripping on women. I never understood why a woman blames another woman when their spouse or significant other cheats. That woman didn't take a vow. She obviously is just another woman with low self esteem and is willing to take some one's sloppy seconds. I am not letting a woman off the hook for it, I am just saying she isn't the one you should have a beef with. I digress.......

When it comes to Motherhood, women become extremely judgemental and catty. There are so many options and everyone thinks that they are making the best choice for their baby. Should I breastfeed or bottle feed? Should I use cloth diapers, co-sleep, go back to work full-time? There are so many questions and no matter what choice you make, you feel guilty for making it.

It all starts with your birth plan. Are you going natural? If not expect to hear from a few(or more) about how natural is the way to go. I fell into the trap and had misgivings about caving and asking for an epidural. I felt a little better later when others mentioned that Pitocin also made contractions come fast and hard. I still cried about it a week post baby because I felt like a bit of a failure.

I feel bad that any woman would feel judged in a group of her peers. I mean really? Are you so sure of every choice you make about being a parent?

Honestly, the things I remember about what make my Mom a great mom have nothing to do with the choices she made when I was an infant. My mom is a great mom because of all of the wonderful memories I have. Here are a few....

1. My earliest memory is of my mother walking me to preschool. We would sing "Nobody loves me, everybody hates me. Think I'll eat some worms."
2. My mother was always there for me. She worked full time, but always answered her phone at work and talked to me.
3. My mother had no problem with driving me to dance, to the mall, or to the movies to meet my friends.
4. She listened to me chatter on incessantly about my friends and what they were up to. She also listened to me talk about my latest crush. Believe me I had a lot of crushes over the years.
5. My mother also had to endure living with a very unhappy family when we were uprooted and moved to another state.
6. I respected my mother so much more when I had my own baby. There was a new understanding that I find hard to put into words. Most importantly, I was able to sleep while my mother rocked and comforted Benjamin. All new mothers know how important their sleep is. ;)

Anyway, my point is I don't have any recollection of my mother having a super easy and med free birth. I don't remember her breastfeeding me for 14 months. I don't remember cloth diapers. What I do remember is that she loved me with all she had and that she made the right choices for HER. In the end shouldn't that be the right choice for your child?

10 comments:

Mommy Moreno said...

:)
thats a wonderful post! Ive seen B around you and he feels that same awesome motherly love that you were lucky enough to learn from your own mommy.

Ann Marie said...

I am not a mom, but a lot of this post resonates with me nontheless. I think that one of the most intimidating things about the prospect of being a parent is the judgement that seems to be handed out so liberally about the "proper" way to do things. Thank you for the reality check.

Alison 'n Brandyn said...

GREAT Post Shannon!!! And so true!! We really should focus on the important stuff before we beat ourselves up over the little ones (even though they may seem big at the time)!!

Art & Becky said...

What a great post! I am not a mother...I agree with your comments. It shouldn't be if you have a med free birth or breast fed for 2 yrs etc. It's having a mother/father that loves their child and is there for them!

SmartAssMom said...

Amen, sister.

Ava said...

:)

janessa said...

Great post.

christi said...

Thank you for posting that : )

Zoe said...

As usual, I couldn't have said it any better. We all have to do what's right for our own families, and surprise surprise...it's going to be different from one family to the next. You're a great mom and don't let anyone make you feel like you're anything less than that.

Mrs. Matt said...

This made me cry. I completely agree with you! :)