MAMA!

Yesterday was Benjamin's 7 month birthday. He also chose this day to say his first word. "Mama." I can't tell you how excited it makes me that he chose this to be his first word. You hear that "dada" is easier for them. I assumed he would say that first.

Actually it has been a running joke in our house that his first words would be "CHEW CHEW" followed by "NO!" These are the words spoken most often by Brian and I when we are trying to stop Chewy from doing something wrong. ;)

Of course, I wasn't even in the room when he chose to say mama. I was putting away laundry and daddy was holding him. I heard it though and it warmed my heart. He repeated it over and over for his Daddy. Just smiled at me when I tried to get him to say it again.

What I didn't expect was that I would feel awful hearing it at 5:15 this morning. Benjamin woke up wet. I had to change his pajamas and any mother knows how much a baby hates to be changed in the middle of the night. Usually Benjamin cries. It makes me sad. This morning he chose to say "MAMA" over and over again as if he was begging and pleading with me to stop. It seriously broke my heart. Made me want to cry.

Anyway, they say they grow up too fast and to enjoy it while you can. I believe "they" are right.

I've hit an all time low. TMI

So Benjamin is not much of a napper. If he does nap it usually involves falling asleep while nursing. He unlatches and will sleep for about 45 minutes to an hour. I cherish this time. I can type on the computer or eat lunch if it is already prepared.

Anyway, imagine how bad I felt when just minutes into said nap, I had to go to the bathroom. Bad. I knew that if I woke him, he would not go back to sleep. My dilemma was that I would have to let him sleep on my Breast Friend Pillow or put him in his crib where he would cry and be generally unhappy for hours. This seemed like a no brainer to me.

What I didn't mention is that I sometimes don't rehook my bra when he unlatches. So this time I decided to get up and Benjamin took his sleepy opportunity to latch on again. So here I was Breastfeeding while on the pot. Gross and possibly unsanitary to say the least.

Seriously I am the person that has the worst stage fright when it comes to going to the bathroom when others are around. Even if they are rooms away.

Moral of the Story-You never know what lengths you will go to for a sleeping baby.

The Sisterhood of Motherhood?

I have always disliked women ripping on women. I never understood why a woman blames another woman when their spouse or significant other cheats. That woman didn't take a vow. She obviously is just another woman with low self esteem and is willing to take some one's sloppy seconds. I am not letting a woman off the hook for it, I am just saying she isn't the one you should have a beef with. I digress.......

When it comes to Motherhood, women become extremely judgemental and catty. There are so many options and everyone thinks that they are making the best choice for their baby. Should I breastfeed or bottle feed? Should I use cloth diapers, co-sleep, go back to work full-time? There are so many questions and no matter what choice you make, you feel guilty for making it.

It all starts with your birth plan. Are you going natural? If not expect to hear from a few(or more) about how natural is the way to go. I fell into the trap and had misgivings about caving and asking for an epidural. I felt a little better later when others mentioned that Pitocin also made contractions come fast and hard. I still cried about it a week post baby because I felt like a bit of a failure.

I feel bad that any woman would feel judged in a group of her peers. I mean really? Are you so sure of every choice you make about being a parent?

Honestly, the things I remember about what make my Mom a great mom have nothing to do with the choices she made when I was an infant. My mom is a great mom because of all of the wonderful memories I have. Here are a few....

1. My earliest memory is of my mother walking me to preschool. We would sing "Nobody loves me, everybody hates me. Think I'll eat some worms."
2. My mother was always there for me. She worked full time, but always answered her phone at work and talked to me.
3. My mother had no problem with driving me to dance, to the mall, or to the movies to meet my friends.
4. She listened to me chatter on incessantly about my friends and what they were up to. She also listened to me talk about my latest crush. Believe me I had a lot of crushes over the years.
5. My mother also had to endure living with a very unhappy family when we were uprooted and moved to another state.
6. I respected my mother so much more when I had my own baby. There was a new understanding that I find hard to put into words. Most importantly, I was able to sleep while my mother rocked and comforted Benjamin. All new mothers know how important their sleep is. ;)

Anyway, my point is I don't have any recollection of my mother having a super easy and med free birth. I don't remember her breastfeeding me for 14 months. I don't remember cloth diapers. What I do remember is that she loved me with all she had and that she made the right choices for HER. In the end shouldn't that be the right choice for your child?

The Days of Sleeping Through the Night Are Long Gone.

Benjamin has decided that he no longer requires sleep. The doctor thinks I should start stuffing him with solids. Day one of that experiment proved futile. I am so exhausted, but I am thankful that we experienced 5 1/2 months of good sleeping.

I have found a correlation between my mood and the state of my hair and skin at that very moment.

If my hair is freshly highlighted and cut, I feel great. If my skin is clear and balanced, I feel great. My hair is a mess and my skin couldn't be any worse, I feel like sh!t.

I can't see a dermatologist today and I can't get my hair done until next week, I think it's time to go shopping. Momma needs a new pair of shoes.

I see why women get the Mommy haircut.

It has always taken me at least an hour to an hour and a half to get ready. Blame it on me not being a natural beauty. I know, what a shocker. ;) Anyway, I take about 10-15 minutes on minimal makeup, but the most time consuming thing for me is my hair.

I was born with gobs of it and it isn't the kind that is wash and wear. My husband even calls me Bruce Villanch when I let it go natural. Unfortunately, I can't be one of those women that just cuts her hair shorter to save time. If anything, it takes me longer to control it when it is short.

So I have become one of those moms that looks a mess most days and doesn't even get her hair combed. In fact, I'm not even sure I get a glimpse of myself in a mirror until after 9:00 p.m. or so.

My options seem limited. Benjamin, you are just going to have to weather the storm with me by sitting patiently while I dry my hair. I will also try to limit how long it takes me to run a flat iron over it.

Never be one of those moms that says that you will never let yourself go. It happens to the best of us. Even the high maintenance girls like me.

Since I seem to be lagging at blogging lately, I have decided to give myself a challenge at the end of each post. My Challenge for next time will be to blog in a stream of conscienceness manner a la Jack Kerouac. Hard for my readers to read, but kind of neat for a Mommy with not a lot of time.

New Years Resolutions Starting January 7, 2009

I am not the type of person that makes these(mostly because I know I will break them.) However, I have decided that there are some things I need to change.

1. I must stop talking to my husband the way I do. Over the last few months, I find myself getting really short with him and I say some awful things. This causes him to respond in a not so nice way. It is not healthy and I need to stop.

2. I need to start eating healthier. We eat out way too much and that leads me to make unhealthy choices. There is no reason why I can't learn to meal plan and cook healthier alternatives.

3. I need to read more. I use to be the girl that devoured a few books a week. I need to spend more time reading again and ditch the TV. I mean do I really need to watch another episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County?

4. Be a great Mommy. I think I do alright, better than alright in my humble opinion. However, I want to be the best Mom. I want my children to look back on their lives and think I did a great job.

5. Become more organized. I want the organized calendar. I want my filing cabinet to be immaculate. No more piling papers up to be filed.

6. I want to start taking control of my health care again. I have always gone to the dentist, eye doctor, gynecologist, etc. like clock work. I hate to admit this, but I haven't been to the dentist in 4 years. Yikes!

That's it for now. No more excuses.