Picture Your Best Day...Now Add A Monkey

Britton's Birth Story

2010-05-24T23:03:00.000-07:00

I really wanted to experience a genuine labor with this baby. With Benjamin, I never even felt a contraction until the pitocin kicked in the morning of my induction. Holy hell those contractions were strong.

My due date was the 14th this time around. I was getting so uncomfortable and impatient so I scheduled my induction for the following Tuesday when my doctor would return from vacation. All the while, I was willing myself to go into labor that weekend. On the 14th, I scheduled a mani/pedi with my nail girl. I swear it was the best mani/pedi I ever had. I said to her, "if foot massage can put me into labor, this will do it."

That night I awoke at about 2:00 feeling uncomfortable. Around 3:30, my husband woke up and I told him I was having some contractions. I mentioned maybe he should time them. Each contraction was pretty painful. They were spaced about 7 minutes apart, then they moved to 9 minutes, then back to 7 minutes. My husband said this is it and I mentioned some women have contractions for weeks and obviously mine were inconsistent at that point.

A few hours later, they seemed to be getting closer and closer together. Brian was keeping track in his iphone. I kept saying I would jump in the shower as soon as I felt like we needed to go. Well, that plan became madness because each time I was about to get in the shower, another contraction would come. I finally made it in the shower. Had two in the shower(it actually felt nicer to have them with the hot water running down on me.) By the time I got out, Brian was in a sheer panic. He lectured me while I ran back and forth from the bathroom to our bed during each contraction. By this time they were about 2 minutes apart and it was after 7:00 a.m. He lectured me while I brushed my teeth. He said.."do you really need to use your toothbrush through three timed uses?" The answer was a resounding yes.

Well, we woke up my mom and managed to make it out the door. Didn't really have a bag packed. I had asked my harried husband to pack a few things, but I think he was a bit overwhelmed and worried that I might deliver in his beloved Ford Lightening. I had 2 more contractions on the way to the hospital. I really wanted the epidural in the parking lot and I informed Brian of this. We checked in at 7:50 and I was lucky enough to get the same room I had Ben in. Had another contraction before I even changed into a gown. Sat down and demanded the nurse get me that epidural STAT. It was all quite a blur until I got the epidural. It seemed like an hour before the Dr arrived to administer it. All the while I was telling Brian..."I need drugs now!" The nurse checked me said I was 5 cm. She then told the Dr I was between 5-7 with hand motions. WTF? Is it 5 OR 7?

This is where Brian lost his mind(and almost his balls.) When I demanded the epidural again, Brian said, "Relax, you are only 5 cm." Okay, not the support I was looking for. If his balls would have been in reach, I swear he would have been missing one.

I got the epidural at 8 cm. This time when it was going in, I felt a weird sensation down one side. It shot all the way down my hip. I mentioned it to the Dr. She said it happens that way sometimes and that they would try and out me on my side to see if the meds spread to the other side. She came back several times to see if I needed something more. I actually felt the contractions and a lot of sensation which helped when it came time to push. A little while later, I felt my water break. Then, I felt a little back pain, Brian mentioned it to the nurse and she checked and said, you are at 10 cm, its time to push.

This time around, I was invigorated, not exhausted. I felt I could push and I felt the progress fast. At one point the nurse made me stop pushing so that we could wait for the Dr to arrive. By 11:10 a.m Britton was here. She had swallowed some amniotic fluid, so they worked on her for awhile. I was bummed that she was out of my sight for so long. I noticed then that the Dr was working on me a bit too long. I asked if their were complications, but didn't find out until later that the cord detached from the placenta before she could remove it. Took her awhile to get everything under control and it killed me to not hold our little girl.

Then, there she was. 8lbs, 6 oz and 21 inches long. The girl that kept me up all night while she partied in my tummy. I have to be honest. I didn't have the immediate maternal love for her that I had for Ben. It was different and it took the whole day to totally fall in love with her.

But now I am madly in love with her. And now our family is complete...Or is it? :)

A positive post

2010-01-10T20:31:00.000-08:00

Just to show you that I am capable of being an optimist...

As the beginning of 2010 takes place, I realize that I am truly thankful for everything 2009 brought me.

Brian and I were fortunate enough to buy our first house this year and it is truly a fun experience making it our home. Sure Brian wanted to leave the walls all white and he told me that he didn't really believe in putting up pictures, but everyone knows that men know nothing about making a house a home. He can stick to landscaping the backyard. Have I mention that I hate getting my nails dirty? No yard work for moi.

Ben is healthy and growing like a weed. He is truly a joy to watch everyday and I am so thankful to be his mommy. I can't believe that he is almost 16 months old. Boggles the mind.

Our little family is growing quite nicely. It seems just perfect that we are having a girl. I can't stop imagining what she will be like and how cute her clothes will be.

Our immediate families are all pretty healthy and we are super lucky that we always have their support and love.

I am especially thankful that it seems that I have transitioned into a Northern California girl and that I have made true friends locally. I don't know if I would have kept my sanity this year without all of the advice and support of all my new friends. It is hard to put into words just how important friendships are in this life, so I will just say that I am truly blessed in this area.

Oh and I am really thankful for my husband. The man drives me crazy on a daily basis, but I can't imagine taking this journey with anybody else.

"You're crazy when you are pregnant."

2010-01-10T20:28:00.000-08:00

These are the lovely words my husband threw at me in the middle of a fight last week. If you knew me, you would realize that when someone blames women's hormones for behavior, I just lose it. I am not sure I believe in PMS. There I said it. I do think that hormones play a part in how you are feeling, but to flat out call me crazy is a little much.

Besides, that bastard hasn't seen crazy. I hope he doesn't make me pull it out one day.

WTF?

2009-10-19T09:49:00.001-07:00

Motherhood has officially kicked me in the ass. I had this running debate with friends on what was worse. Morning sickness with dry heaving and no result or morning sickness with very violent vomiting(unfortunately I experienced both.)

I am one of the lucky ones that gets to experience morning sickness throughout the day. First pregnancy it started around 9 weeks or so. This pregnancy at about 5 weeks. I was feeling pretty smug that it didn't seem to be quite as bad as before. Damn me and my smugness.

Today was my little slap in the face. Quite literally, as I am puking, water and god knows what sprayed me in the face as I puked into the porcelain God. Not only was I vomiting right after I ate one little piece of toast, but those lovely muscles "down there" decided to fail me and make me piss myself just as my husband was coming in to check on me.

Thank you Motherhood for taking that time to make me realize that it could be worse. I was just starting to accept the stretch marks left behind by Benjamin. Now I also have this little gift to look forward to.

Why do I blog?

2009-10-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

I am part of an online community of women. It is full of smart, supportive, and amazing ladies. The lovely Liz has decided to give us blog challenges. No surprise here that I am doing it late. :)

Why do I blog?

This is such an interesting way to start. Honestly, I started to blog so that I could write a little diary to myself to remember what life was like during my pregnancy. If I am being honest with myself, it was to show people how I was a person separate from my child. I had a lot of worries that I would become a Mommy and that no one would see me as anything else.

I have always loved writing. I wrote my first play in 3rd grade and my first book at 16. My first play involved the adventures of Strawberry Shortcake and her gang. I even got my friends to act it out for our class. I believe that this was a key time in my creative process. My teacher at the time, couldn't stand me and never tried to foster my writing skills. My book was my foray into the romance genre. I haven't read it in years, but I would guess that it was pretty terrible.

I wasn't sure what to do when I got to college, so I majored in English. What else does a girl who likes to read and write do? I had an awful case of writer's block my senior year and decided then and there that I couldn't be a writer. I have been intimidated by writing ever since. Truth be told, this blog is the closest thing to writing that I have done since college.

I don't know how to post pictures and this blog has blossomed into a "Mommy" blog, but I am okay with that. I am also okay with how I have changed since becoming a mommy. I am a lot more patient in some ways and a a little less self centered.

I hope this answered the question or that it gave you, the reader, a little more insight into who I am.

I look forward to more blog challenges.

and I'm afraid Benjamin's first real sentence will involve

2009-09-22T16:49:00.000-07:00

the term "F'ing douchebag." I need to clean up my language.

I'm a bad blogger...

2009-09-22T16:35:00.000-07:00

So much for my dream of being like the girl from dooce. I love her and I want to be payed for my blog. Any sponsors out there?

A lot has been happening in the Cerruti household lately. We bought a house. We haven't moved in yet, but we are super close. We are so happy about it. It is truly becoming a labor of love. Brian's labor, my love.

Benjamin celebrated his very first birthday. He looked adorable smashing his cake. It seemed to go on and on. The kid loves to be a ham and loved the attention. Not sure where he gets that from.

Just as I was preparing to enjoy the new hot tub at the new digs, I find out that we are expecting #2. We are super excited and can't wait to find out if Benjamin will have a little brother or sister.
Maybe this week I will be motivated to catch up more on this blog. Don't hold your breath.

Stinkerpants Giveaway

2009-08-26T09:39:00.000-07:00

I am totally in love with Sara's designs at Stinkerpants Designs. I have been eyeing an ABC poster there for weeks. Lucky for me, my mom wants to purchase it today. :)

Sara is doing a giveaway to one lucky winner. Go to http://www.elizabethannedesigns.com/living/2009/08/25/stinkerpants-giveaway/comment-page-1/#comment-2556

or to
http://www.elizabethannedesigns.com/living/2009/08/25/stinkerpants-giveaway/comment-page-1/#comment-2556

for details.

So much has happened in the last few months...

2009-06-11T12:52:00.000-07:00

I have been reminded a few times how much I have lagged in blogging lately. Not really surprising to me. I tend to be a huge procrastinator. Shocking, to those that know me. ;o

Benjamin has changed so much in the last 2 months. The biggest milestone is that he has learned to crawl and pull himself up. I am afraid that he seems to have my knack for banging himself into things. For me it is my extremities for him it is his head.

Not a day goes by that people don't tell me how cute you are. I would usually chalk it up to bs, but it is so true. Every day someone comments on your beautiful long eyelashes. You got that from the Millers. Thank goodness my Grandpa passed on that awesome trait.

You are truly an easy baby and I feel so lucky to be your mama. You have 6 teeth and eat like a champ. Love most veggies and fruit. You are now getting shredded chicken, cheese, and toast. You seem to have my carb addiction too. You love grilled and cheese quesadillas.

You are so in love with your Daddy too. I have heard that boys are always Mama's boys, but you reach for your Daddy whenever you see him. Every night after your bath, you practically jump out of my arms to get to him. Can't really blame you, Daddy gives great hugs. :)

You also have a lot of new baby friends. You don't seem super interested in playing with them. You mostly just wants to poke them, steal their toy, or pull their hair. This seems to be more of a Cerruti trait. ;)

Much to my chagrin, you seem to have Daddy's personality too. You are stingy with the laugh and smile. Luckily, you aren't like this at home. I hope you have a little bit of Mommy in there too. It is good to laugh and not take everything so seriously.

You love bath time, crawling after Chewy to get his toy, trying to pull Lola's hair, and chewing on a pacifier.

Your first birthday is approaching and it actually makes me a bit teary eyed. Where did the year go?

There is not a day that goes by that I don't feel blessed.

MAMA!

2009-03-26T10:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Benjamin's 7 month birthday. He also chose this day to say his first word. "Mama." I can't tell you how excited it makes me that he chose this to be his first word. You hear that "dada" is easier for them. I assumed he would say that first.

Actually it has been a running joke in our house that his first words would be "CHEW CHEW" followed by "NO!" These are the words spoken most often by Brian and I when we are trying to stop Chewy from doing something wrong. ;)

Of course, I wasn't even in the room when he chose to say mama. I was putting away laundry and daddy was holding him. I heard it though and it warmed my heart. He repeated it over and over for his Daddy. Just smiled at me when I tried to get him to say it again.

What I didn't expect was that I would feel awful hearing it at 5:15 this morning. Benjamin woke up wet. I had to change his pajamas and any mother knows how much a baby hates to be changed in the middle of the night. Usually Benjamin cries. It makes me sad. This morning he chose to say "MAMA" over and over again as if he was begging and pleading with me to stop. It seriously broke my heart. Made me want to cry.

Anyway, they say they grow up too fast and to enjoy it while you can. I believe "they" are right.

I've hit an all time low. TMI

2009-03-20T12:37:00.000-07:00

So Benjamin is not much of a napper. If he does nap it usually involves falling asleep while nursing. He unlatches and will sleep for about 45 minutes to an hour. I cherish this time. I can type on the computer or eat lunch if it is already prepared.

Anyway, imagine how bad I felt when just minutes into said nap, I had to go to the bathroom. Bad. I knew that if I woke him, he would not go back to sleep. My dilemma was that I would have to let him sleep on my Breast Friend Pillow or put him in his crib where he would cry and be generally unhappy for hours. This seemed like a no brainer to me.

What I didn't mention is that I sometimes don't rehook my bra when he unlatches. So this time I decided to get up and Benjamin took his sleepy opportunity to latch on again. So here I was Breastfeeding while on the pot. Gross and possibly unsanitary to say the least.

Seriously I am the person that has the worst stage fright when it comes to going to the bathroom when others are around. Even if they are rooms away.

Moral of the Story-You never know what lengths you will go to for a sleeping baby.

The Sisterhood of Motherhood?

2009-03-10T10:58:00.000-07:00

I have always disliked women ripping on women. I never understood why a woman blames another woman when their spouse or significant other cheats. That woman didn't take a vow. She obviously is just another woman with low self esteem and is willing to take some one's sloppy seconds. I am not letting a woman off the hook for it, I am just saying she isn't the one you should have a beef with. I digress.......

When it comes to Motherhood, women become extremely judgemental and catty. There are so many options and everyone thinks that they are making the best choice for their baby. Should I breastfeed or bottle feed? Should I use cloth diapers, co-sleep, go back to work full-time? There are so many questions and no matter what choice you make, you feel guilty for making it.

It all starts with your birth plan. Are you going natural? If not expect to hear from a few(or more) about how natural is the way to go. I fell into the trap and had misgivings about caving and asking for an epidural. I felt a little better later when others mentioned that Pitocin also made contractions come fast and hard. I still cried about it a week post baby because I felt like a bit of a failure.

I feel bad that any woman would feel judged in a group of her peers. I mean really? Are you so sure of every choice you make about being a parent?

Honestly, the things I remember about what make my Mom a great mom have nothing to do with the choices she made when I was an infant. My mom is a great mom because of all of the wonderful memories I have. Here are a few....

1. My earliest memory is of my mother walking me to preschool. We would sing "Nobody loves me, everybody hates me. Think I'll eat some worms."
2. My mother was always there for me. She worked full time, but always answered her phone at work and talked to me.
3. My mother had no problem with driving me to dance, to the mall, or to the movies to meet my friends.
4. She listened to me chatter on incessantly about my friends and what they were up to. She also listened to me talk about my latest crush. Believe me I had a lot of crushes over the years.
5. My mother also had to endure living with a very unhappy family when we were uprooted and moved to another state.
6. I respected my mother so much more when I had my own baby. There was a new understanding that I find hard to put into words. Most importantly, I was able to sleep while my mother rocked and comforted Benjamin. All new mothers know how important their sleep is. ;)

Anyway, my point is I don't have any recollection of my mother having a super easy and med free birth. I don't remember her breastfeeding me for 14 months. I don't remember cloth diapers. What I do remember is that she loved me with all she had and that she made the right choices for HER. In the end shouldn't that be the right choice for your child?

The Days of Sleeping Through the Night Are Long Gone.

2009-03-10T10:56:00.000-07:00

Benjamin has decided that he no longer requires sleep. The doctor thinks I should start stuffing him with solids. Day one of that experiment proved futile. I am so exhausted, but I am thankful that we experienced 5 1/2 months of good sleeping.

I have found a correlation between my mood and the state of my hair and skin at that very moment.

2009-01-23T09:24:00.000-08:00

If my hair is freshly highlighted and cut, I feel great. If my skin is clear and balanced, I feel great. My hair is a mess and my skin couldn't be any worse, I feel like sh!t.

I can't see a dermatologist today and I can't get my hair done until next week, I think it's time to go shopping. Momma needs a new pair of shoes.

I see why women get the Mommy haircut.

2009-01-21T11:30:00.001-08:00

It has always taken me at least an hour to an hour and a half to get ready. Blame it on me not being a natural beauty. I know, what a shocker. ;) Anyway, I take about 10-15 minutes on minimal makeup, but the most time consuming thing for me is my hair.

I was born with gobs of it and it isn't the kind that is wash and wear. My husband even calls me Bruce Villanch when I let it go natural. Unfortunately, I can't be one of those women that just cuts her hair shorter to save time. If anything, it takes me longer to control it when it is short.

So I have become one of those moms that looks a mess most days and doesn't even get her hair combed. In fact, I'm not even sure I get a glimpse of myself in a mirror until after 9:00 p.m. or so.

My options seem limited. Benjamin, you are just going to have to weather the storm with me by sitting patiently while I dry my hair. I will also try to limit how long it takes me to run a flat iron over it.

Never be one of those moms that says that you will never let yourself go. It happens to the best of us. Even the high maintenance girls like me.

Since I seem to be lagging at blogging lately, I have decided to give myself a challenge at the end of each post. My Challenge for next time will be to blog in a stream of conscienceness manner a la Jack Kerouac. Hard for my readers to read, but kind of neat for a Mommy with not a lot of time.

New Years Resolutions Starting January 7, 2009

2009-01-07T13:04:00.000-08:00

I am not the type of person that makes these(mostly because I know I will break them.) However, I have decided that there are some things I need to change.

1. I must stop talking to my husband the way I do. Over the last few months, I find myself getting really short with him and I say some awful things. This causes him to respond in a not so nice way. It is not healthy and I need to stop.

2. I need to start eating healthier. We eat out way too much and that leads me to make unhealthy choices. There is no reason why I can't learn to meal plan and cook healthier alternatives.

3. I need to read more. I use to be the girl that devoured a few books a week. I need to spend more time reading again and ditch the TV. I mean do I really need to watch another episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County?

4. Be a great Mommy. I think I do alright, better than alright in my humble opinion. However, I want to be the best Mom. I want my children to look back on their lives and think I did a great job.

5. Become more organized. I want the organized calendar. I want my filing cabinet to be immaculate. No more piling papers up to be filed.

6. I want to start taking control of my health care again. I have always gone to the dentist, eye doctor, gynecologist, etc. like clock work. I hate to admit this, but I haven't been to the dentist in 4 years. Yikes!

That's it for now. No more excuses.

A Day in My Glamourous Life...

2008-11-12T14:13:00.000-08:00

Baby Benjamin is particularly fussy today. He peed through his diaper this a.m. right on my newly washed sheets. He is also spitting up a lot today. He keeps spitting up when I lay him in his crib. The side of his face now smells like vomit. Bath time is coming early today.

Chewy is back to his regurgitating and vomiting. He threw up once on the chair and has regurgitated about 10 times on the carpet. Lovely.

Lola was walking around looking at her behind. I picked her up to wipe her with a baby wipe(Yes, I know I am sick. I wipe my Dog's butt. She deserves a clean bootie too,) and noticed she had poop stuck to her. I had to wash her little behind in the sink all while Benjamin screamed and Chewy spit up.

And people say that being a stay at home mom isn't work. I beg to differ.

My Mommy Must Haves...

2008-11-10T12:07:00.000-08:00

If you are having a baby soon keep reading, if you aren't, you will probably be extremely bored.

These are things I find invaluable for me and Benjamin. :)

1. The Miracle Blanket. This little gem keeps my little Houdini swaddled through the night. Without it, he breaks free and has a very restless sleep. http://www.miracleblanket.com/

2. The Sweet Peace Swing- This swing is great. Benjamin didn't always love it, but it has always been great for me to put him in when I just need to go to the restroom or to eat a meal. He has fallen asleep in it a few times too. He seems to build up his tolerance for it and will stay in it longer and longer. A word of advice about this swing. The music on it is terrible. However, you can hook up your ipod to it and play your own music. Brian always reminds me that the music is for the baby, not me. He always refers to the music as Benjamin's "jam." http://www.gracobaby.com/assets/demos/sweetpeace/index_resize.html

3. The Rain forest Waterfall Peek A Boo Soother. This little thing is like baby crack. Benjamin loves it. He will stare at it in his crib and "talk" to it.
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2455073&clickid=body_rv_txt

4. For you breastfeeding moms, the Brest Friend pillow. I really can't say enough about this pillow. Benjamin even takes a nap on it after he eats. It's fantastic. Oh, and I have a boppy too. It doesn't even compare. http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2574807

5. Also for the breast feeding moms. Lansinoh breast pads. I have tired about 7 different ones and these are the only ones that don't leak for me. They are thin and cover a larger area. http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2793488

6. I also love the Hooter Hider. I bought it a few weeks ago and it is great for public places. It even has little pockets for your breast pads which is great for me. Before the hooter hider, I used a blanket. Benjamin would be done and I would inevitably lose a pad or two. Pretty awkward to find it stuck to the back of his head. :) http://shop.bebeaulait.com/

7. This bathtub. It comes with a little hammock. It is awesome because the baby is so slippery and the hammock makes it so much easier to wash the baby. http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2403667&cp=2777251

8. This diaper organizer. Truly one of the best purchases my husband made. http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2394461

9. This diaper pail. Way better than the diaper genie. You don't have to use their bags and it keeps the smell away better. http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2373422

10. I call this chair the best thing that ever happened to me. I got it as a gift and I spend hours on end rocking the baby in it. The ottoman is also a must have. http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3012839

I am sure I can think of a few more things, so I will add more items if I think of them. I hope this helps some of you out there.

That was me a little over 2 months ago..

2008-11-10T11:54:00.000-08:00

I went to lunch with 4 very lovely ladies yesterday. All four were at various stages of pregnancy. It is sometimes hard to remember what my life was like BB. Before Benjamin. ;)

I tried to keep myself engaged in the conversations, but found myself struggling to. I felt like I had to keep Benjamin entertained. I was fearful that he would turn into a screaming lunatic baby.

I really didn't want to get those looks of pity. The look of wow, can't you control your child or the jeez that baby sure is good birth control comments. I know people think them. I used to myself, BB. :)

I truly hope no one thought that I was not interested in their conversation. Quite the contrary. It was great to get the adult interaction. I truly apologize if it came off that I was uninterested.

I hope that we can all get together again after all of your new arrivals get here. Maybe then we will be 5 ladies trying to carry on conversations to no avail. :)

Sometimes you want to go...

2008-10-08T10:16:00.000-07:00

where everybody knows your name.

So, I have always wanted to be the girl that walks into the bar and everyone shouts out my name. Well that technically never happened. However, I am sure in my youth, that there were several bartenders that knew what I wanted to drink when I came into the bar. First, there was Hogue Barmichaels, then Bennigans, then Riley's, then Sharkeez, then the Newport Beach Brewery, and finally Malarkeys. I frequented these bars at different times in my life and I knew the bouncers and bartenders and they knew me.

Fast forward to present day and the lady at Katy's Korner remembers that I order the B.L.A.T with french fries and a side of mayo(to dip my fries in along with some ketchup.)

Boy how my life has changed.

Not the Norm moment I was looking for, but I guess it will have to do.

Here it is...Benjamin's birth story.....

2008-09-10T12:57:00.000-07:00

Okay, I may have been kidnapped by those pesky aliens I mentioned in the previous post. I am writing this a couple of weeks later, so my memory may only be partially erased. :)

My doctor was worried that Benjamin was big and because of my gd she scheduled an induction for August 25th. I was to report to the hospital on the 24th at 6:00 p.m. I kept hoping that the labor would come naturally, but little Benjamin just wasn't ready.

I, of course, tried to get my house prepared for guests. Thank God for my mother who gets on her hands and knees to clean the kitchen floor.

We checked in and they put me right into a gown and started the gel. Apparently this gel is used to soften the cervix. They inserted it a total of 3 times. The first time was with an exam. Not super comfortable, but not the worst I have ever experienced. The second exam was horrible and actually brought tears to my eyes. Not sure if the nurse had enormous fingers(or hands, since that is what it felt like,) or if she was just a sadist. Of course, I was only dilated to 1/2 cm at the beginning. I don't know how I lost 1/2 of cm in a week or if the nurses and doctors measure differently. Anyhow, this was the beginning of a long sleepless, uncomfortable night.

The nurses monitored my blood pressure and I had an iv in too. The actual worst part was a killer blood pressure cuff that monitored me every few minutes. I swear to God that thing just about cut off my circulation. Unfortunately it took the nurses until morning to realize that this thing had a death grip on me. Any hopes of sleep, went away with each horrible squeeze.

By 6:00 a.m they were ready to start the pitocin. Here's the thing....I expected that contractions came every 15 minutes or so and then worked there way from there. Oh no, not with pitocin. Apparently for me the contractions started to come every 2- 2 1/2 minutes with some ferocity. With each contraction I looked at the monitor and realized they were at about the 20 level. I kept thinking, "holy shit, what must 100 feel like?" By about 9:30 I started to think that I could use some advice about when to get an epidural. By this time I was trying to find a position to squat in during these contractions. I just couldn't catch my breath. One would end and the next was right behind it.

I asked for the epidural. I was at about 4-5 cm at this time. So, everyone says that the epidural is so relieving. Okay, but what if the doctor tells you to hold completely still while he sticks a huge needle in your back? Did I mention that he asked me to do this while I was in the middle of one of those heinous contractions? Not easy and I probably crushed Brian's hand in the process.

My mom arrived about this time and I started to feel gloriously better. I wouldn't say paralyzed, but I felt really sleepy. My mom and MIL chose to visit a lot for the next few hours. Brian's family noisily filled the waiting room. I looked at the computer, maybe watched the tv. I remember seeing my ob come in to check on me and I noticed she had on some perfectly pressed white pants. She always dresses flawlessly. Anyway, she left. Brian went for some grub and my mom came in. At about 3:00 or so, my mom was asked to leave when the nurse examined me. She said, "oh my you are all ready at 8 cm and your bag of waters is bursting out." The doctor then walks in and breaks it. I didn't feel a thing. I guess that was good because, my friend Cara gave birth a few days after me and said that it hurt.

From then on, I thought it could be anytime. However, Benjamin was firmly planted in the birth canal and wasn't making much progress. The nurses were flipping me from side to side about every 45 minutes or so. I was in and out at this time. Super sleepy. Brian came back from food and was sad that he missed the water breaking, but happy that I was dilating. A few hours later panic set in.

When the nurse turned me on my left side, the baby's heart rate dropped. She decided that I was to stay on my right side. My blood pressure was really irregular and higher than normal. My glucose levels were also really low and so they were forcing me to drink juice. At this point, all I wanted to do was sleep. The nurse told Brian that she was worried and that she was calling the doctor to come in. I could tell that she was thinking it was time for a C-section. I started to tear up a little bit because it was the last thing I wanted. At this time my mom came in again and Brian kind of let her in on what was happening. He wasn't going to worry anyone until he knew for sure what was happening.

It seemed like hours before the dr arrived. I think it was more like an hour. She walked in said I was dilated to 10 and that I was to start pushing. My mom was leaving thinking, "oh, thank God he is almost here." Then the nurse said something that made my mom crazy....."the pushing usually will last for 1-3 hours."

To a normal woman, this may seem reasonable to my mother, her labors don't last that long. She was worried about how tired I was. They had put me on oxygen about an hour before and I was exhausted.

Somehow, I started to push. I couldn't really move my legs at first, but feeling came back quickly. The anesthesiologist came back in just before to give me something since the epidural was now gone. Whatever it was, it didn't really work. Not that it mattered, it wasn't that bad, just exhausting.

So here's my biggest complaint....Why in the hell do they have a huge clock in my view? I kept looking at it thinking, how much longer? Every time the freaking nurse or Brian said he's almost here, I wanted to scream..."You said that 1/2 an hour ago." I remember getting real whiny and telling Brian I couldn't do it anymore. But I plugged on. I pushed every contraction, every two minutes, three times each contraction for two whole hours. That's a lot of freaking pushing. At some point other nurses were piling in. The pediatric nurse would try to get me to push 4 times for each contraction. I secretly wanted her dead. She also decided to pepper me with stupid questions at this point. I closed my eyes. When she asked me what I was going to name the baby, I snapped and suddenly got angry at Brian. I punched him in the chest(lightly according to my recollection) and said, "Answer Her."

A few minutes later, Benjamin's head popped out and then his shoulders. When they held him up, all I could think was..."He's huge." Brian cut the cord and they started getting him cleaned up. It seem to take forever and I just wanted to hold him. Brian counted fingers and toes and took a picture of him on the scale. He looked great. Found out he got a 9 and a 9 on the Apgar taken at birth and 5 minutes after birth I think. Leave it to our child to be an overachiever so early on. Doesn't take after his momma in that respect. :)

Benjamin Joseph was 22 inches long, 8 pounds, 11 ounces and just about as perfect as you can get. I fell in love at first sight.

Things happened quickly after that, Brian left to make announcements. They stitched me up and cleaned up super fast and transformed the room for guests in a matter of minutes. I had a rush of adrenaline after he came out. I was super excited and wide awake.

I tried to spare the gorier details. I think Brian saw a lot more than he needed too.

I also wanted to mention that all of the nursing staff at San Ramon were awesome. I couldn't have asked for better care. Every nurse came in and helped with whatever I needed, be it food or nursing tips. I think that I wouldn't have been that successful at breastfeeding if it weren't for all of the nurses involved.
******************************************************************************

Okay....here is the truth about how I felt about labor...I was pretty disappointed with my pain tolerance. I really thought I could have done it without pain meds and instead I caved pretty early on. I learned later that they can really only track the frequency of contractions and not the level of pain or how strong they are. That would have been nice to know before I asked for the epidural. I wished I would have been in better shape. I wished I would have taken some yoga classes. I wished I would have been better prepared. I was kind of kicking myself the first week because I thought maybe the epidural impeded progress and that maybe Benjamin could have been born earlier.

2 weeks later...I am no longer kicking myself because the end result would have been the same...A beautiful, HEALTHY, perfect, little boy named Benjamin Joseph. ;)

Current aches and pains...

2008-08-18T00:14:00.000-07:00

Just so I can remember this later and not tell the lie of feeling wonderful all of the time. ;)

1. When I try to turn over in bed, it becomes a whole ordeal. Sometimes I even get a pulling pain in my lower right side that feels like ripping.

2. TMI Alert.....Why didn't anyone tell me I could get aches in my vagina that would make me gasp?

3. When I go pee, the squatting kills my kneecaps.

4. Sometimes it feels like the baby's foot or hand is gonna come right out of my vagina. It is by far the weirdest sensation. This happened weeks ago, I don't really have this experience anymore.

5. My ass muscles currently feel like I ran a marathon. Not sure why, but when I go to stand up now, my butt hurts something awful.

6. Stretchmarks are not only ugly, they hurt. I had stretchmarks before, but nothing like this. These actually have a burning sensation.

Now for the part women always tell you. I'll call it a disclaimer....Not that I know this for a fact yet.....

It will all be worth it. Once I meet my sweet baby I will forget all about the aches and pains and I will embrace motherhood completely. I will also, apparently, be kidnapped by aliens and have my memory erased so that I will want to go through this all over again in a couple years.

Mother's never tell you the truth

2008-08-18T00:01:00.000-07:00

I think if pregnant women told all of the mysteries of pregnancy, women may never have kids. I feel like it was some secret club and no one tells of their aches and pains. If I hear one more time that being pregnant, "was the best they ever felt," I will punch someone. Or what about the b!tches that tell you they had a 45 minute labor with "no real pain?"

If anyone wants to know the truth, i'll tell them a thing or two. I can't tell you about labor yet, but I will if when the time comes.

Brian and I have been "nesting" all weekend. Buying things we need(or don't need. Who really knows?)

We have so many things that seem so frivolous once they have been put together. Brian is currently putting together the Sweet Peace Swing. I hope the baby enjoys it because it sure is taking up a lot of space.

It took forever to figure out the carseat/stroller system. I know I will not attempt to leave the house without Brian to show me how to put it all together. I also realize now the need for taking the carseat to get it checked out by the fire or police dept. Who knew these things could be so friggin complicated?

I really don't mind if I go into labor soon. I honestly can't wait to see Benjamin's sweet little face. Will he be bald or have a ton of hair? Will he have blue eyes that stay that way or brown? Will he be long and lean or have little chubby rolls? I seriously can't wait to meet him.

Officially 6 days from D day!!!!!!

2008-08-16T12:36:00.000-07:00

My ob said that she would not let me go to much longer after my due date. She also said that he was a "big baby." Just what a girl wants to hear.

I am having a rough time lately with Brian. He seems angry and stressed out. This in turn causes us to bicker. Last night I had another psycho moment. The other occured when I stared at Brian while he slept and wanted to put a pillow over his head. How's that for pregzilla? Last night I pictured hacking off his toes with a cleaver. Lack of sleep is making me loopy.

Almost everything is done for the baby. Still need to put in the carseat, but that should be done this week.

I don't anticipate the baby coming early. Just a hunch, but I feel like he wants to stay in for as long as he can.

Tonight:Looking forward to some Banchero's Soup and garlic bread. Yum!!!!!!!!

What I've learned!

2008-08-05T16:03:00.000-07:00

1. Never marry a procrastinator when you are also a procrastinator.
2. Don't try to work on home improvements or build anything with your spouse. If you do, realize that it will more than likely result in an argument. Also, realize that said argument will result in a hormonal crier. This weekend that hormonal crier was me. :)
3. Two pack rats are not better than one.
4. You have ligaments in your groin area that can be super painful at the end of pregnancy.
5. Don't send your father babycenter updates. He does not want to hear anything about mucous, a bloody show, or avoiding sex after your water breaks. Apparently these terms are more disturbing when referring to your daughter.
6. People aren't really concerned about how you are doing towards the end of your pregnancy. They really only want the baby to get here and you are just a pod.
7. Our parents did just fine without a co-sleeper,baby monitor, moby wrap, pack and play, boppy, a play gym, wipe warmers, etc.
8. Work on the nursery as soon as possible. You don't want to be running around last minute making sure you have everything you need.
9. Take some baby classes, even if you have done it before. There is bound to be something new to learn.
10. Don't be a hero! Get that epidural.

He fell asleep....

2008-07-13T20:42:00.000-07:00

Brian and I had our birthing class for 8 hours on Saturday. It was really informative and I felt like the instructor really knew her stuff.

We learned what to expect and about the stages of labor. Of course I know all of this will goes out the window when we actually go through it. No two birth stories ever seem to be the same.

I went into it thinking I was going to go the all natural route. I still might, but the anesthesiologist and the nurse teaching the class sure were pushing epidurals. My favorite line from the doctor...."Women in San Ramon, don't want to feel pain. They ask for pain meds when they hit the parking lot. " :)

My favorite part of the class was not unlike the end of most yoga classes I have taken. Except that it probably went on for 45 minutes.

The instructor was showing us relaxation and breathing techniques. I was deeply into it. I had a focal point in my head. I didn't need a object to look at, I just pictured my happy place which is my friend Katie's house in Montecito. It is seriously the most beautiful and comfortable home I have ever been in. Right on the water.

Anyway, at some point I hear the instructor speaking softly telling our coaches to check if we were truly relaxed. We were laying in the back of the room and I could see all of the other husbands lifting there wives arms and then slowly letting them go to see if the women were limp enough. I waited and waited and finally turned around to see Brian. He looked to be waking from a slumber. I mean we were all relaxed, but he is suppose to be my coach.

Doesn't build up my confidence in his ability to keep me relaxed on the day I go into labor. :)

Another highlight from the class...
The instructor told our husband to try a technique of massage when their wives seemed tense in a particular body part. Of course most men would rub their wives backs or bellies. Brian chose to rub my boob. Um....I don't think I have ever had a tense boob.

God I hope my Dad isn't reading this.

The Southern California Shower

2008-07-07T23:15:00.000-07:00

My girlfriends rock. I couldn't have asked for two nicer showers. Benjamin and I were spoiled once again. We received more gifts than I can ever name.

My favorites...Auntie Allegra bought him some sweet flaming vans. I am so glad he will be rockin those. I'm not going to lie, he will probably possess a mohawk at some point in his toddlerhood.

http://www.psychobabyonline.com/site/psychobaby/productdetail.exc?cmd=view_prod&isApp=true&page=1&co_id=533&item_id=39983&prod_id=1483

Auntie Heather bought him a sweet Mr.T onesie. He will probably wear this home from the hospital. :)

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=12266757

Auntie Heather also bought him some Angels gear. I am so glad that he won't have to be embarrassed by all of the Dodger and Giants gear he received. We may have to have a symbolic bonfire. ;)

We're getting down to the wire.....

2008-07-07T23:10:00.000-07:00

As I was sitting in our infant safety/cpr class, it suddenly hit me that we were about to become parents. I don't know why it hasn't hit me before now, but it was really quite scary.

I don't have a thing ready in preparation for this kid's arrival. All of our gifts are at my In Laws. Including the crib, changing table and dresser.

I haven't packed a bag and the baby will have no place to sleep if he arrives early.

Do I sound panicked? Because I am.

Baking bread in my shoes...

2008-06-23T13:05:00.000-07:00

I don't think it is possible for my feet to swell anymore. I had to go shopping for new shoes this weekend and my feet wouldn't fit into anything. Now I finally know what it is like to have wide feet. I normally have pretty large feet, but they are extremely narrow. Most shoes are a bit to wide for me. Not anymore. All I ask is that they eventually go back to normal. Not a size bigger and not any wider please.

I had my first baby shower this weekend. It was so wonderful and nicely put together. Baby Benjamin and I received so many wonderful gifts. Everyone was so generous.

It would take me forever to list everything we received, but for now I will show you my favorite gift.....

We got the Dutailier Grand Glider/Rocker and Ottoman. I believe it was in the dark cherry with a natural color suede or microfiber. It is gorgeous and oh so comfortable.

http://shop.nurturecenter.com/dugrchslstgl.html

More shopping for baby.....

2008-06-15T20:26:00.000-07:00

Just when you think you can't shop anymore..... There is so much stuff to buy for baby. I am looking forward to my showers because then I will know exactly what is left to buy. Hopefully not too much. :)

Baby Benjamin is really active lately. He still prefers to hang out on my right side much to my discomfort. My right foot looks like rising dough on any given day.

I went shopping with my Mother in law this weekend. We picked up the stroller and infant car seat. I can't wait to see them out of the box. The guy at Baby Super tried to convince us to leave with the matching tall dresser to the crib set. I said I had to think about it, but MIL and Brian's grandma think we need it. Go figure. We also left with the cutest little train on train tracks with Benjamin's name.

If I had any doubts before that Ben was going to be spoiled, they are gone now.

I also looked into a glider/rocking chair. Good Lord they are expensive. I thought I could find one I like for about $300. Looks like we will probably spend way over double that. They are extremely comfortable and I do need to buy the matching ottoman for my ridiculously swollen feet.

I ended up registering for a diaper bag at PBK. I don't love it as much as the Kate Spade, but I know I will get over it.

Biggest baby related news this weekend. Restoration Hardware started selling their baby line. I love, love, love it. For those that know me in real life, check out my registery there. I finally made a decision. ;) Unfortuanately the incompetent people at Bananafish Inc. have yet to send me samples after a month long process of emails and phone calls. I'm taking it as a sign that it's not the right bedding for Benjamin.

We celebrated Father's Day today with Brian's family. Benjamin and I got Brian some I love my Daddy socks with a matching hat. He also got his Daddy/himself a Dodger plush ball and bear with security blanket. Not an easy purchase for an Angel fan Mommy.

All in all, it was a good weekend.

More confused about baby bedding than ever :(

2008-06-10T14:46:00.000-07:00

I have found more stuff I like. Not sure if I love any of them, but I am still waiting on some samples in the mail.

I am a huge fan of Restoration Hardware and they are now releasing their baby line. Here's the link....
http://www.rhbabyandchild.com/rhbc/catalog/category/category_collections_gallery.jsp?navAction=jump&navCount=12&categoryId=rhbc_cat101037

I like the majority of them in the cloud color. What do you guys think? Would these work with my espresso furniture.

Some I like are...
the cuddle plush bumper and Italian dot sheeting
the european dot matelasse bumper and the italian contrast stripe sheeting
the european classic stripe bumper and the contrast piped sheeting
and a couple of others.

Looks like I can mix and match the sheets, bumpers, bedskirt etc. I like that idea.

I am also partial to a couple of others I came across...

http://www.babystyle.com/common/jj-cole-blue-bulls-eye-crib-set-p.asp?pmid=27010&dept=4&sc=489

and this one

http://www.babystyle.com/common/jj-cole-blue-mod-crib-set-p.asp?pmid=26339&dept=4&sc=489

I really need to decide soon. The two showers are approaching so fast.

On another happy note, I thought I would include links to the stroller and carseats my MIL bought us.

We got both in the bubbles black...

http://www.pegperego.com/page.php?sid=7538e553d9c3f0241f321d0d3bd2470f&pageid=UJVNL001&idp=0000000159&pg=02&cl=N
and
http://www.pegperego.com/page.php?sid=7538e553d9c3f0241f321d0d3bd2470f&pageid=UJVNL001&idf=04&idp=0000000160&cl=N

Thanks for reading....

Committing to a Name

2008-06-06T18:10:00.000-07:00

This little boy is going to have this name for the rest of his life. I think that this is one of the most important decisions we will have to make. That is a bit of an exaggeration...well maybe not.

What if you name him Bob and he looks like a Harry? What if you pick a name and that name comes with an awful nickname?

These are questions that run through my head.

I had a girl name all picked out. Brian actually liked it right off.

Unfortunately Brian did not like most of the boy names I picked. I always thought it would be cool to name my son Crash. When my last name changed, I saw my perfect opportunity. What does my husband think of the name Crash? Not a big fan.

I love Sebastian and Tristan. Brian thinks those are names that will get his son beat up.

Brian liked Jacob, which I liked also. It is the #1 most popular name right now though. I don't want him to be Jake C because all of the other kids on the playground are named Jake. He needs to have some uniqueness.

We agreed that the middle name would be William or Joseph after our fathers. We also agreed that we would pick whichever one sounded better and so we arrived at the day a few months ago where Brian finally picks up a baby naming book.

Benjamin Joseph......

On my list, but I am not 100% sure that I love it.

I keep hoping to wake up and know that this is his name. Or, better yet, find another name that we can both agree on.

Oh well! We may have another boy. Maybe I will have first dibs on the name next time around.

Purses and diaper bags

2008-06-03T12:48:00.000-07:00

For those of you that know me IRL, you know that I have a slight obsession with purses. I have really calmed down over the last few years though and I haven't purchased anything in awhile.

I have had my eye on this Kooba for a few months. It isn't a diaper bag though and it is not easy to justify spending about $600 on a bag to my husband at this time.

I have had trouble in my search for the perfect diaper bag though. I am not a big fan of the diaper bag look and I would prefer it to be fashionable.

I think I will be going with this one...
http://www.katespade.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3009299&cp=2450627.1876038&parentPage=family

It's fashionable and functional for what I need it for I believe. I just can't bring myself to buy one of those PPB bags. No offense to the girls that love them, but they are just way too busy for me.

In my search, I came across this beauty.....
http://www.eluxury.com/estore/browse/product_detail.jsp?id=11395730&searchString=louisvuittondiaperbag

A girl can dream......

??????????

2008-06-02T11:17:00.000-07:00

Time is flying by and I can't believe it is June. The baby will be here before I know it and I am feeling very unprepared. We got a crib and dresser/changing table this weekend. I love them, but I am worried that they won't match the bedding I need to pick out. We registered last week and we already got several big items. Yay for us and our wonderful families!

Here are the links to our crib and dresser/changing table. We ordered them in espresso though, not white...
http://www.sorellefurniture.com/details.php?type=cribs&item_number=260&return=list
and
http://www.sorellefurniture.com/details.php?type=cases&item_number=2620&return=list

I am excited for my two showers. Both of which are this month. I am not really done with registering though and I find it intimidating. I don't know what kind of diapers to choose or what kind of bottles to buy. Babies r'us is an overwhelming place.

I also need to buy some hostess gifts for my peeps. There are 6 people throwing one shower and 4 throwing the other. That's a lot of gifts. If you gals have any ideas on what I can buy for them let me know.

The worst part of this week...I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Not real fun to have to diet while pregnant. I see a nurse and nutritionist tomorrow. I will miss the Chocolate Malted Crunch Ice Cream the most. :(

Losing yourself

2008-05-27T14:13:00.000-07:00

I've always wanted to be a Mom. I was not ready up until about a year ago. People ask how do you know when you are ready? I don't really have an answer for that.

I found the guy, we are financially stable and it just felt like the right time.

Part of me realizes that I am a very selfish person. I have pretty much always gotten what I wanted. The idea that someone will come before me scares the living daylights out of me.

I have always made fun of my friends that have given their whole life fo their children. It is sometimes hard to have adult conversations with these friends without interruptions.

I wonder, will I become uninteresting to my friends without kids?

I have always felt lucky that I can have time to myself when on the phone or just sleeping in. All of that is about to change in three months.

Boy am I scared.

I even wanted to avoid talking about my pregnancy when I started this blog. I think I was a bit in denial about the fact that it has changed me.

I've spent hours researching things like carseats and strollers. I worry that my next car purchase won't be safe enough for my kids. Weird things that I never thought about before.

For my friends that don't have kids, feel free to tell me if you don't want to hear about my baby. I would understand because I have been there. Just go easy and remember that I'm still me. Crazy, self absorbed Shannon.

My first love = Shopping

2008-05-19T12:26:00.000-07:00

I actually wrote a post yesterday and then managed to erase it. :(

Anyway, I realized at an early age that there was one thing I had a talent for. Shopping. I have always liked to shop. It could be for handbags, shoes, clothes, make up, or even home decor items. So when I decided to go looking for baby bedding, I thought it would be an easy task. I was wrong.

If I was having a girl, it would have been so easy. I would diva out her room. Maybe use some black and white toile with an awesome accent color like hot pink, lemon, or tiffany blue. She would have her very own chandelier. Her shoe selection would rival Carrie Bradshaw. I could dress her to the nines. Don't get me started.

But, alas, I saw a penis at the ultrasound. No matter what women say, there just aren't as many cute things for boys. The clothes are okay, but bedding has been the hardest thing to find. I have found a few items. Not sure yet how to link the pics in here yet, so i'll try links.

Here's my first pick so far. http://www.bananafishinc.com/prodpg.php?product_id=1079
I'm not really into themes, so I thought this was doable.

My next two picks are by Glenna Jean. http://www.glennajean.com/pages/Mod%20Squad.html
and
http://www.glennajean.com/pages/Central%20Park.html

Let me know what you ladies think.

I'm still open to other option too, so if you have any recs, please send them my way.

In honor of Alison

2008-05-16T17:05:00.000-07:00

I was thinking today about Father's Day and what I was going to get my Dad. It reminded me of Father's Day about 5 years ago.

I arrived at my parents house at about 11:00 a.m. and noticed that my parents were acting funny.

My Mom said, "should we tell her?"

My Dad said, "Yes."

My mom informed me that my rabbit Emily died that morning and that she was outside laying by the tree so that I could say goodbye.

I bought Emily in college, but my parents sort of inherited her when I moved out. Outside by the tree was my little Emily. My dog Hershey was by her side actually whimpering.

My Dad decided that we were going to have a funeral. I have mentioned before that I have a slightly quirky family. Well here's the perfect example of it.

My Dad gets out a shovel and digs a hole in Emily's favorite flower garden. I notice immediately that the hole is too small. Emily was a bit of a heifer. Anway, I mention to my dad that it is too small. He tells me it's fine.

My mom then proceeds to yell at him... "Bill, the hole is way to small."

He is mumbling angrily under his breath. I start to cry and shout at him to make the hole bigger. I can't help, but picture Emily's lifeless body being squeezed into that small hole and my crazy Dad trying to shove her into it.

He finally agrees after my mom and I yell at him for a few minutes.

And finally Emily is layed to rest. Not anyone's idea of a peaceful burial, but so typical of the Millers. A lot of yelling and arguing.

I love my parents.

On a sidenote.. My mom even gave Emily a bath after she died because apparently she was filthy. I love that my parents, shelter a woman in her late 20's from a bunny death.

My first blog

2008-05-08T14:43:00.000-07:00

I am not sure that I will even get one reader, but if I do....this is for you. I will start by explaining the title of my blog. I was at a bar about 5 years ago or so and I met this hot young guy from Pennsylvania. He was telling lots of stories and he was quite the entertainer. He was telling us one story in particular when he said.."Picture your best day...now add a monkey." It doesn't get any better than that. I agree.